Finding Wheels: My pursuit of a handicapped equipped vehicle.

I want to say thank you to all who gave and shared the “gofundme”account that was created by a few friends back in January. To those who couldn’t give, no worries, I know that you care. I am so tired of being needy and struggling all the time. And having such a great community of friends and family has been a great blessing. I only wish that I was able to give back to all that you have given to me.It has warmed my heart greatly and I have broken down in tears many times during this ordeal.

Unfortunately I was not able to get enough money raised to purchase a handicapped van, but was able to use some of the money to get an older PT Cruiser car running and used it for the last 10 months. It was my father Willies car who passed on 5 years. It was behind on registration and had a lot of fees that had to be paid before I could drive it. I had to purchase new tires a battery and get a brake job done and other mechanical repairs, I also had to buy and install a portable hand control so that I could drive it. I wasn’t able to get my wheelchair in and out by myself (except in emergencies and when I couldn’t find anyone to help me, which was incredible hard and rough on my body). I basically just used it to get back and forth to my very part time job at Big Lagoon School. I was able to get to Physical Therapy, doctors’ appointments, shopping etc. and thankfully was helped by the receptionists and strangers to get the chair in and out for me. It was overwhelming how many people helped me with this situation of getting the wheelchair in and out of my car. It had to be disassembled and assembled to put in and out. I was grateful, but at the same time very ashamed and embarrassed. I lost quite of bit of my independence and dignity. It I was tough. But, at the same time I was appreciative that at least I could get to drive some.

I have spent the last 10 months seeking for financial help, loans, grants, craigslist’s ads, classifieds etc. for a vehicle with no luck. One of my friends in Redding looked at a few small trucks for me that seemed workable but were not running well or couldn’t be smogged. I had another friend offer a small cargo van at a very cheap price, but when I called the handicapped lift installers/dealers, they informed me that those particular vans are too old and not able to be equipped with a lift, unless of course I spent thousands of dollars lowering the van floors and raising the ceilings to make it work. I basically gave up and came to the conclusion that this is what I am going to have to just settle for this unreliable PT Cruiser.

And then, it quit running, the motor blew….I could either drop a new motor in it or buy another car. So I was back at the same place I was 10 months ago, carless and very discouraged and depressed. Until, Elijah’s boss/manager told me about a Ford Ranger that her boyfriend wants to sell. He drove it to my home so I could take a look at it, and I fell in love! It is a 1996 Ford Ranger, brand new rebuilt automatic tranny, two wheel drive with new tires, and in super great condition! I was able to transfer into it much easier than my old Nissan truck (for it is lower to the ground).When I jumped into it, I immediately felt tears well up in my eyes, it was perfect, it felt like my car already! I was hoping that my old wheelchair lift and hand controls would transfer into it.

So, I called a company that gives loans to those who have a low fixed income and sketchy credit and live in a manufactured home. I applied for it and got it. I would have the loan money soon and plan on paying this off as quickly as possible. The interest rate was high at 34 % and I would have to give them my title to my manufactured home. I don’t like doing this, but I found no other options. I needed to get a vehicle and apply for another small part time library job, to pay off this expensive loan. As it stands, I can’t look for work or expect anyone to hire me when I don’t have transportation. The job I am working at now is only 6 hours a week and my coworkers are helping me get back and forth. But I have been informed that I really need to get my own transportation.

UPDATE!

My good friends, Eve, Joni and Rose along with their husbands have given me the $2500 that I needed to purchase the Ford Ranger! They did not feel comfortable with me putting my home in danger of losing and being in a more difficult financial situation than I am already in.

At first I was numb and actually got depressed and contemplated suicide. It was strange for me to think about ending my life, but life has been so overwhelming, my soul was exhausted and I didn't want to be a burden on my friends and family anymore..….I didn’t feel worthy and I felt so needy and I guess some pride issues were part of it. This last 10 months of have been one of the darkest times of my life. ( My son Daniel also ended up in the hospital with multiple blood clots in his legs and lungs last month, which played a part in sending me over the edge). I know it may be difficult for some to understand this feeling that I was experiencing, but those who are close to me and saw my struggle do understand.

A special thank you to my sons Daniel and Elijah and my coworkers Mia and Jason for helping me get my wheelchair in and out of the vehicles, driving me to and from work and town etc. It was humbling to have so much help. I felt like such a burden, but I was assured that I wasn't. I shared these unhealthy thoughts with my friend Sandra and she helped me to overcome it with positive love and comfort and "hit the nail on the head" when she told me that it was the devil trying to steal my blessing. It totally made sense. So I said “back off to the devil”!! I brushed off all the disturbing, negative thoughts and energy coming at me and accepted this giant blessing and now am very happy to have this little truck.

Billy, the guy who I bought the truck from, delivered it to my door last Friday. He attached the portable hand controls and I was off to work the same day!

Jessie, my fix it/guy friend from Maple Creek pulled the lift and hand controls out of the old Nissan last Saturday and is going to re-install all of it into the Ford Ranger this weekend. I hope and pray all the equipment can fit correctly into the Ford and if anyone can make this happen, Jessie can! He can fix anything!

I am working on a memoir book and hope that it can be published someday and will pull me out of this state of poverty that I have found myself in. If it does do well, I want to give some of the proceeds to help upstart a non profit organization for the disabled community to help them to acquire accessible vehicles. Being disabled and being able to get out into the workplace and community is important to your health and well being. There is no excuse for the disabled community to be home bound. Being able to drive and to be independent is a feeling and privilege that brings happiness, joy, freedom and health.